Can you fix this?

One of the beautiful things that we have been able to experience since living with Grandma and Grandpa, is that Grandma has a sewing machine and she knows how to use it!  She enjoys quilting, and she is willing to mend.  Even before we lived together my kids learned to save their favorite garments with little tears or ripped seams, because... "Grandma can SEW IT!!!"  Now that we share a house, everything with even the slightest tear is immediately delivered to her sewing corner.

A few weeks ago we were driving down the road we saw a car (At least I think it had been a car) by the side of the road that was obviously totaled.  My youngest looked at the car and offered, "Maybe Grandma can fix that."  One of his siblings immediately responded by saying, "Um, NO. Even Grandma can't SEW cars!!!" 
Right.  We were looking at something that would make a skilled body shop mechanic cringe, much less Grandma equipped with her ever-handy sewing machine.  I wonder if when Jesus talked about "the faith of a child" if He was thinking of the faith of a 3 year old child.  Boy howdy, that kid has faith!  (Smashed up car? No problem! My grandma has a sewing machine...)

It is very endearing when a child with pleading eyes and complete faith comes and offers up something precious, yet broken and says, "Can you fix this?"  Has this ever happened to you?  An irresistible request to work at a nearly impossible task... and for the sheer love of the child, you agree to try to find a way... (even if it means a late-night search on Amazon or ebay in hopes of finding a suitable replacement that is almost as good as mending?)

When I was growing up, my dad had a reputation for being a "good fixer."  (He actually still does, but he may or may not actually want that information in print, so don't tell anybody.) When we were younger we would take him our broken toys, but as we got older it was our computers and our college student vehicles making funny noises.  My dad has the ability to keep half dead vehicles alive for a really long time.  He joked that it was his love language.  Even though he joked about it, I realized later it did make me feel loved.  Driving a car that was well-cared for made me feel well cared for. 

I look at my kiddos and the little mended places of their favorite clothing items and it makes me smile.  Those little places of mending represent the fact that someone stepped in and cared for the things that were special to them.

I have another Father who is a really good fixer.  You can't always see it, but there are little mended places in my heart that remind me of His touch.  Some people would call them scars, and they would be right, but the truth is that scars are places of healing.  Someone who loves me took the time to sit down and mend something that was broken, and now when I look at these mended places, it reminds me that I'm loved.  And when I take time to remember all that He has done, I am all the more eager to gather up my emotional mending pile and offer it to Him.  He's a really good fixer.

The things we can not see

Yesterday as I was walking a kiddo in to preschool, I looked at his clothing selection for the day.  He was wearing a Christmas robot shirt, (in October) with some camouflage pants which he was wearing backwards so the two back pockets were in the front and the drawstring was in the back, hanging down like a little tail.  He was wearing shoes and they happened to be on the right feet.
For some reason I felt compelled to offer an explanation to his teachers that I do not usually select the clothing my children choose to wear, and they dress themselves.  I don't know if I was concerned that they might think that I didn't really know which way pants are supposed to go, or if they thought that I might not be aware that the Christmas robot shirt doesn't really "match" the camouflage pants.  Either way, they kindly affirmed my resolve to allow my people independence in this area of their lives.
To be honest, my decision to encourage my kids to do anything they can on their own has more to do with my value of efficiency and getting things done than it does with my philosophical belief that they should learn and grow in self-sufficiency and independence.  But that made me think about how easy it is to focus on the things that we can see... and neglect the things we can not see.

Last week one of my children did poorly on a test.  She was aware that there were things that she didn't understand and she was concerned about her performance and her ability to do better the next time.  We talked a little bit about it.  Then on Sunday afternoon we sat down to read through some of her reading homework together.  She looked at me and said, "Can I pray before we read?"  Then she prayed and it went something like this, "God, today in church we talked about how you can help us with anything we need help with, and I really need help with my reading.  I really want to learn and grow and get better and I really need your help.  Please help me to learn and do better. Help my line to grow."  (They have a line graph that shows their score on the reading test) "In Jesus Name, Amen."

I looked at my sweet kiddo.  I looked at the worry in her eyes and I gave her hug.  Then I said, "You know what?  The tests that you take are a measure of how well you are reading.  And you are actually a good reader and you are getting better every day.  But there are other things that you are learning that aren't measured by that line."  I took a piece of paper and I started making my own line."  You are kind.  You look for people who are discouraged and you show kindness.  You are sensitive and you naturally offer comfort and encouragement to people who are weary and hurting.  You are THE MOST generous kiddo I know.  You give freely and you bless the people around you."  (all the while I was drawing my own line graph.)  Then I added, "You aren't even very old, and you have already learned a lot about all of these things.  Many people who are much older than you haven't learned this much." (Like me, for example.)  "And you know what?  School doesn't have a line graph for that.  But God sees it. And these kinds of things are heart learning things and that is much more important to God than any of the things that you are learning at school."   Then I cut out a big "dot" and I pretended to be measuring out her "heart learning" line graph and I pinned the dot to the ceiling in her room.

Her eyes sparkled with her huge smile, and she breathed kind of a sigh of relief.  Then she said, "Thanks Mama.  Can we still work on my reading?"

Deep Sigh for me.  Sometimes in the middle of a teaching moment with a kiddo, I feel a sort of heart tug and I realize there is a lesson in this for me too. I'm pretty competent in my reading skills and most days I'm able to get my pants on straight, but there are lots of days when I start to feel weary and discouraged by a measure that God doesn't hold me to.  When I sit back and start telling Him my own frustrations and failures, He quietly whispers to my heart, "Oh yes, I saw all of that, and none of those things are important to Me.  Will you listen to My voice?  Draw close to my heart, and rest in My love."

So we will work together on reading, but together we will also remember to pay attention to the "heart-learning" things that are infinitely more important even if they can't be measured.

"When I am big, and you are little..."

In the early stages of our talks about joining households, there were several times that the subject of "being a burden" came up.  I have been thinking about this concept quite a bit since then.  This is what I've come up with so far.

1. Nobody really wants to be a burden.
2. Everybody needs people in their lives who care for them.
3. It is a blessing to take care of the people whom we love.
4. I was kind of a pain in the patootie when I was in jr. high/high school.  I was probably kind of a big fat burden if I really think of it.
5. Let's not think of people as burdens.  Let's think of them as people who need care.
6. Everyone needs care to one degree or another and there are some seasons that require more care than others.
7. One of the people I care for the most does really interesting things.  For example, just yesterday he made himself a scarf.  He made it out of toilet paper.  He didn't knit it or anything like that.  He just wrapped it around his neck and ran like a crazy person all over the house.  For some of that time one end of his scarf was rapidly unrolling off the end of the toilet paper roll.
8. Sometimes people that we love and care for make gigantic messes and toilet paper never looks quite the same when you re-roll it back on to the roll. 

Now, let's go back to point #3.  It really is a blessing to take care of the people that we love, but that doesn't make it easy.  (Please refer to #8) There are people who have been called to really really hard kinds of caring.  I have watched weary parents of children with high needs who aren't progressing in the ways that most children do... and I wonder how they do it, day after day.

I don't want to be overly simplistic in my views about this... but I'm pretty sure this is why God gave us families.  When I have one kid running around like a crazy person with toilet paper around his neck, it's a really good thing that there is a 50% chance that his dad might deal with this.
In all seriousness I know that I'm really blessed in caring for people who are really easy to care for, and there are a lot of caregivers out there that have a really hard job. But even then, that's why we need families.  Maybe you are in a situation where you need a few more people to come around and help you to care for the people in your life who require care. 

Today on my way home from doing some errands, a small person in the back seat said to me, "Mama.  When I am big and you are little, I will carry you."  Oh. My. Word.  Melts my heart.  In a very sweet way, it was a reminder to me that in the course of life there are times we give and times we take.

I was thinking about the paralytic from Luke.  He had 4 friends who carried him to Jesus.  Four friends helping one guy.  My guess is that 2 guys could have gotten him most of the way to Jesus.  But 4? Well, they got the job done.  How about this for a biblical life lesson? If you are caring for someone who wants to see Jesus, and getting there might require disassembling a roof, take a couple extra people. Or maybe we could just say that there are seasons when you need a TEAM of people to do what God is asking you to do.

That's okay.  It's okay to care.  And it's okay to need help.  And it's okay if when you are done all the toilet paper rolled back on the roll doesn't look awesome.

And I just want to finish by acknowledging that I'm really completely unqualified to discuss this topic, but I am thinking and learning and growing, and I want to continue think and learn and grow in caring for people and bringing them to Jesus.  I'm sure I will come back to this in the future.