A helpful disaster

In our house we often take advantage of Saturday mornings and have a big breakfast.  We do the kind that takes lots of preparation and the extra time that we don't have on the other days of the week.  Last Saturday Timothy was off work and we went down to the kitchen.  I started the coffee.  Timothy started gathering the supplies to make pancakes.  I turned to my youngest child, "Hey! How about you come upstairs with Mama?  I'll help you get dressed."  He turned to me and smiled.  "Nope.  I'm going to stay here and help Papa make pancakes."

Anyone who has ever attempted a baking project with the "help" of someone who is small knows that it is actually just one giant disaster. Haphazard measurements with significant portions of the ingredients on the counter or the floor.  Flour everywhere.  Egg shells in your pancake batter.  Batter that somehow gets stirred up onto the cupboards.

But sometimes making pancakes isn't so much about making pancakes as it is about what we are learning in the process.  Besides making memories with his Papa, he is learning to crack eggs.  He is learning to stir, he is learning to clean up flour... (read: he is learning to use a wash cloth to spread flour around on the counter, the cupboard and the floor.  Another day I will discuss the oxymoronic concept of "cleaning" projects with people under the age of 8.)  If we never let the kids "help" with the cooking, they aren't going to learn.  If I go into this with "help" I need to acknowledge, "this is going to be messy... but it's going to be good.  We are learning and we are growing,"

All the odd shaped scarves that have been first knitting projects, and first sketches, and rough drafts... they all stand as monuments declaring that learning is a process and usually we don't do something well without hours and hours of practice.

In my finer parenting moments I can step back and appreciate all of what is happening.  My kids are learning and growing.  They are having experiences that are going to shape them.  I actually really like to be clean.  I like to have an organized house.  I like to be efficient.  Clean, Organized, Efficient.  Kids are rarely any of these things.

I like to do things well.  I like to work hard and go into things that I know that I can do well.  I don't really like to step into places where I think there is a good chance things might get messy or I'm likely to fail.  But, if I'm not willing to get messy, am I living into all the growth that God has planned for me?

Where my finer parenting moments fail, His abound.  I can stand on the edge of fear, and say, "I'm afraid to do this.  I don't think that I can move forward without making a huge mess."  But this is how we learn and grow.  I watched my "helping" kiddo and I suddenly had a realization. God is far less concerned about the messes I make than I am.  I'm not sure He really cares at all if we are clean, efficient and organized.  He cares that we are learning and growing and encouraging the people around us to do the same.

What if I stop living in fear of the mess and I welcome the learning that comes in the process?  Can I let go of my desire to control and walk freely into the learning that God has in store for me?

Are you standing on the edge of something really big?  Maybe God is calling you to come bake with Him.  If you listen closely you might hear Him say, "Hey kiddo.  I know you are about to make a mess.  That's okay.  I want you to work with me.  Stand on this stool.  Grab an egg.  It's kind of tricky.  Don't worry.  We eat pancakes with shells in them all the time."

Ripple Effects

This last week I had a very full week.  It was a good kind of full.  I have been working at the kids' school and I love being involved in the community there.  Besides working, I also was volunteering with an event through the school and the combination of all those hours had me at school every day all day.  By the time we got up on Saturday morning, the laundry pile was threatening to take over the house and some people were having to make big decisions about which pair of second rate underwear to put on for the day. I hadn't been to the grocery store and meal options were very limited.  I was getting frozen berries from the back of the freezer so that people could have fruit with their breakfast and I made a comment about how I needed to go to the grocery store because we were almost completely out of food.
My youngest looked at me and said, "Oh, it's okay Mama!  If we run out of food I can just tell my teacher that we don't have food.  She gives people food who don't have enough food.  Really she does!"
I know she does.  I have helped with this program.  At our school families can sign up to get some basic pantry items sent home every Friday.  The kids receive a loaf of bread and some sandwich making supplies along with some canned goods. I've been involved with helping to distribute the right numbers of these little food packages to the classrooms.
Sometimes I've wondered if any of the kids feel ashamed of taking food home from school.  I have wondered if they feel labeled.
But then a simple comment made me realize something.  Even though my kids don't receive a package of food every Friday, seeing this happen gives them something too.
My kids are seeing that we live in a community that takes care of its people.  Even though we aren't in danger of actually running out of food, my kiddo isn't afraid if we do, because the safety net of his community is wide and strong.

I think that grace, and forgiveness, accommodation, understanding and love work in much the same way.  Even though the package may be handed it one direction, it gives joy and hope and security to the community as a whole.  How are you feeding your community?

If you are feeling scared... tools of bravery for someone who is only 6

Earlier this week one of my children did not want to go to school.  She explained that she knew that they were going to have a substitute and she was really nervous about it.  We talked a little, and I tried to be reassuring, but when the morning came she was very anxious and started crying and begging me to let her stay home.

I sat down and looked into her distressed eyes.  "I know you are nervous.  But you know what?  The substitute might be nervous too.  He or she has never met your class before.  And you have 30 kids in your class, that's a lot of new people.  Even for a grown up."

She looked at me with slight disbelief.  I'm not sure that it had occurred to her that a grown up might get nervous.  "What do you think we could do to help the substitute?"  We talked for a while about some options and then we sat down and worked on a note.

This is what it said,

Dear Substitute Teacher,
I was really nervous to go to school today, because I've never met you before.  But then my mama said that you might be nervous too.  So I had an idea.  If you are feeling scared, just look at me and I will smile and give you a thumbs up.
I think we will both have a good day.
Luv, An Anxious-no-more Friend

(It actually read her real name)


With a new sense of purpose, she folded up the note into a small square, and she held it as we drove to school.  She held it as she skipped into her class.  (something that she has NEVER done before.) Then she cautiously handed it over to the nice young man who introduced himself as her substitute.

He read the note and smiled.  He thanked her for the note, and then he admitted to both of us in a way that appeared quite earnest, "Actually I am REALLY NERVOUS!!!"

Sometimes being brave is simply being honest about where you are, and having the courage to reach out to someone else in spite of your own feelings of anxiety.  I was so thankful for this outcome, and the beauty of two very different people from different walks of life aligning, out from under fear, because they knew they weren't alone.

When what you have to offer will barely make a dent, Dream Big.

Several months ago a couple of my kids wanted to go spend some of their hard earned spending money to purchase some small pieces of plastic personified food and housewares.  (It is a particular toy item that I will not choose to advertise here.) My husband learned of their plan and gave them an inspiring talk about not wasting money on that kind of thing.  He talked to them about saving it for something bigger, or more useful.  I listened with skepticism.  I didn't think his talk would have any effect on their desire to spend.

I was wrong.  Really wrong.  In fact, I'm a little sad that I didn't stick around to hear all of what he said.  All I know is that after a brief pep talk, two kids emerged from our room with a resolve to combine their resources and save for something "really big".  They talked for a while and they came to me, excited about their new plan.

"We are going to save our money for a trip to go to Bolivia.  How much does it cost to go to Bolivia?" (They have a beloved set of grandparents that live in Bolivia, and we often talk about going to visit them some day.)

I almost didn't want to answer, because I didn't want to discourage them, but I said, "Well, it will cost about $2000."

Without stopping to truly absorb what I had just said, the oldest child calculated out loud.  "Okay, so if we both go, that's $4000, and we should take at least one grown up with us, so that's $6000.  And right now with all of our money together we have $40.  So we just need another...  Five thousand, Nine hundred and ....  Sixty dollars."

I nodded.  "Yep, that's all.  Except if you two save up four thousand dollars to go to Bolivia, Mama or Papa will pay our own way."  It was really the least I could offer.

In that moment, I realized something.  I am easily overwhelmed or deterred when the task in front of me is larger than the resources that I personally have access to.  Broken down buildings that I can't fix, or amounts of money that sum up to several hundred times over what I actually have to offer.  I quickly see it as beyond me.

But God invites us in to that place.  To offer our small into His Big and experience something that is beyond us.

Walk into that place.  If you are having trouble with that can I make a suggestion?

Connect yourself to a child.  They have too much faith to dream small dreams.

When I grow up I want to be like the Crossing Guard Lady.

After a very full summer, we are back into the routine that fall brings and I am going to try to pick back up on the blog.

About a week before school started, we found out that the girls got in to the school with a Spanish Immersion Program that is close to our house.  They were a little apprehensive about a new school, and not knowing anyone, but I reminded them several times that their new school had 2 recesses instead of 1 recess.  (I still speak the language of 'The Elementary School Student.')  

So there are a lot of things that I really like about our new school, but I have to tell you about one of my favorites. 

The Crossing Guard Lady.  I actually do know her name, but for the sake of anonymity, I will just refer to her as "The Crossing Guard Lady."

On the first day that we walked into school I noted that she was slightly dramatic in the way that she stopped traffic for kids who were crossing the street.  She held her stop sign way up and stretched out her arms and took a very broad protective stance.  I smiled at her and she greeted the kids as they were crossing.  

The girls did okay on their first couple days of school.  They reported some typical "new kid" issues.  They felt lost on the playground.  They didn't know what to do with themselves during recess.  They wished for friends.  I knew the first days would be a little hard, but it didn't make it any less painful for them, or for me.  

On about the third day of school, we parked in our usual place across the street from the school, and we started walking toward the crosswalk.  As we were walking, on the other side of the street a car came zipping down the road. The Crossing Guard Lady went crazy.  "SLOOOWW DOOOOWWNN!!"  She was yelling and wildly waving her arms.  Her stop sign was flapping up and down like a giant wing, as she tried to get the attention of Mr. Speedy McSpeedster in the School Zone.  The driver saw her and immediately slowed to almost a stop.  

The Crossing Guard Lady got a big smile on her face. Then, she gave the driver a thumbs up sign and waved her on.  It was a simple gesture but I could almost hear the inner dialogue that went with her thumbs up. "Yes, that is how we drive in the school zone.  I know you'll remember for next time."

By that time we had reached the crosswalk and The Crossing Guard Lady held her stop sign up, and dramatically stepped out into the street.  "Okay Folks, It's safe to cross now!  Have a good day!"  Then she made eye contact with me.  "And, yes," she said pleasantly.  "I DO yell at cars because your babies are my babies."  

At that moment those were such beautiful words to my mama heart.  That's what I want.  I want someone who is going to care deeply for my kids when I can't be there.    As her words sank into my heart I felt a lump in my throat.  At that moment she was my favorite person in the whole world.

After I took the girls to their classrooms I stopped to thank The Crossing Guard Lady for her strong work. As we started to talk a little tiny girl called her name.  She turned and the girl ran to her for a hug.  They hugged and then The Crossing Guard Lady looked at her watch.  "Guess what honey?  You are ALMOST on time.  If you run real quick, you might make it to class without a Tardy Slip."  The little girl smiled and started running toward the school building.  I watched and said, "That's how we roll sometimes.  ALMOST on time."  The Crossing Guard Lady looked at me and smiled.  "I'm just glad that she's here."  No judgement. Just grace.

As I reflected later about the morning, I was struck by her simple act of grace as she offered a smile to the reformed school zone speeder.

When I am in positions of authority, and I have a policing role, I am much more likely to offer an extended stink eye for good measure.  But the reassuring smile and the thumbs up was so gracious.

I want to start being more like the Crossing Guard Lady.  I want to put my heart fully into the work in front of me, and I want to generously offer grace in the places I am tempted to judge.  

And I want to treat your babies as if they are my babies.

I hope your school has a Crossing Guard Lady who is even half as sweet and beautiful as our Crossing Guard Lady.

To Anyone who has ever nurtured the heart of a child

This weekend I had an opportunity to help out at a large kids event that happens weekly in nearby city. At this event there were different stations that the kids were rotating through and I was helping at the craft station.  This week, in light of Mother's Day, the craft was to make a Mother's Day card. We'd already had two groups of kids cycle through when the older group of kids came.
The directions were simple. "Mother's Day Cards!  Here are the markers.  Decorative papers.  Glue. Have Fun!"  I helped a couple kids before I saw a girl out of the corner of my eye.  She was sitting on the floor against the wall on the side of the room.  I walked over to her.  "Do you want to make a card?"  She shook her head.  "I don't..." she searched for words, "... really celebrate Mother's Day."  I nodded.  Her eyes looked tired.  Not a sleepy kind of tired.  A life long weariness kind of tired.  I know nothing of her story, but I could almost feel the ache of her heart.  I wasn't sure how to respond.  "Do you want a blank piece of paper to just draw?"  She shook her head again.  "No, I'll just stay here."
I wanted to help.  I wanted to be able to comfort her aching heart.  I wanted to do something... but I couldn't think of anything.  I had no words to offer, so simply said, "Okay," and I walked back to my post and continued with helping all the other card makers.  A few minutes later I heard a voice, "Actually, can I have a blank paper?"  I turned and I saw the same girl.  We got her a paper and I watched as she went to work.  She had written a sweet message and added several decorative touches before she started to talk.
"I'm making this for my teacher.  She is a really good teacher.  She's almost kind of like a mom.  She's really protective.  She doesn't let people bully, and she cares about kids.  She's good.  She's protective."  Then she smiled proudly as she carefully folded her paper into a handmade envelope that she had stapled herself.

It was remarkable to me to see the change in her countenance as she talked about her teacher.  I wish her teacher could have seen what I saw.  Dear teacher, you brought joy to a hurting kiddo today.  You reminded her that there was someone in her world who cares and protects.  For some reason the very term "Mother's Day" hurts her heart, but you helped her hold on to what she thinks a mother should be. You may not feel like you are doing much and maybe to you it wasn't... but to this kiddo, in this moment, you were a thread of hope in a sea of hurt.

One of my favorite parts in all of the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis is found in the book, The Horse and His Boy.  The Lion is revealing to the boy, Shasta all the places that He has been with him and He says, "There was only one Lion.  I was the Lion who..."  and then he names all the ways that he had protected and saved him and directed his steps.  I think of this young life, and her teacher who has been a "protective,"  and I hope that many years down the road she will be able to look back and see God's provision for her in the midst of her pain.

On this Mother's Day I want to honor my mother.  I am thankful for all of the ways that she gave of herself when I was a kiddo, and for all of the ways that she has supported me as I mother my own kiddos.  

But I want to acknowledge the other unsung heroes on this day.  There are so many people who give and nurture the hearts of our children whose efforts are often overlooked.  There are a lot of "childless" mothers out there who are doing a lot of mothering. And there are mothers who are mothering many more than they actually birthed.

Thank you. You all represent the teacher in this story.  You invest and you care and you give of yourself, and you may think that no one sees.  But somewhere there is a child carefully coloring a picture.  Choosing markers that represent your favorite sports team, and folding up a paper with a seemingly scribbled message. When you open it please see beyond the words and look into the eyes of the child who wrote it.  There is a light... and there is a hope because you are a part of her life.

Happy Mother's Day to you.  You are seen.

Why people run

Last week while we were jogging, my friend and I witnessed a vehicle hit and run.  We were running along the sidewalk and suddenly a small SUV plowed into the car that was parked right next to us as we ran by.  The SUV didn't even try to stop.  They just kept driving even though it meant that they acted as a bulldozer pushing the small Jetta forward until it was pushed out of the way. Neither of us were hurt at all, but I think we were both a little shaken.  Later when I was talking to my husband about what happened we started talking about the courage that it takes to do what is right, and why people run.

At dinner that night I talked about what had happened.  We talked with the kids about how everybody makes mistakes.  Everyone.  But when we do something that causes damage or hurts someone, we should check to see what we need to do to make things right.  We tried to relate it to things that might happen now in their everyday lives...  Accidentally stepping on a toe, or bumping into someone.  We can stop and say, "Are you okay?"  We can ask if there is anything we should do.

We talked with the kids about the accident that I saw.  We pondered about why someone might have kept on driving.  Maybe they were afraid of getting into trouble.  Maybe they were afraid that someone would be angry with them.  Then I said, "You know, when you get older and you are driving a car... you might accidentally crash into someone.  You might be afraid of getting into trouble.  You might be afraid of the consequences, but it is really important to take responsibility for the mistakes we make.  Mama and Papa want to help you.  We won't always shield you from the consequences, but we will be with you to help you figure out what to do."

It was a good talk.  It was a good reminder to me of all the ways I want to establish good alignment with my kids while they are young.  We are with you.  Life is full of lots of big lessons to learn.  Lets do this together.  It doesn't have to be scary.  You don't have to run.

This morning I stopped by Goodwill.  I had my youngest child with me.  I usually have to remind him several times to use his eyes to look at things.  He was examining a ceramic soap dish that looked like a skateboard. He tested it to see if it would roll down the aisle.  It did not.  The attempt to do so, had unfortunate results for the soap dish.  He picked up the two pieces and looked at me with his bottom lip puckered out.

"Uh-oh," I said.  "That's why we try to just use our eyes.  Let's take the pieces and we can go and apologize.  Can you say, "I'm sorry that I broke the soap dish?"  He shook his head.  "You say that Mama.  I will stand BEHIND you."  He looked terrified.  I could tell that this was too much for him.

"Okay," I agreed. "Let's do this together."  We walked together to the front of the store.  We put the things we were going to purchase on the counter and then I took out the broken pieces.  I looked at my kiddo and I presented the cashier with the 2 piece soap dish.  "We had a little accident," I explained.  "We accidentally broke this soap dish.  We wanted to say that we are sorry."  She was very gracious and nodded.  "Oh that happens all the time.  Sometimes I break things too.  Let's just throw it away."  She was very kind.

I realize that the consequences of breaking a goodwill soap dish will be different than the consequences of crashing into the back of a parked vehicle.  But let's start with the small things.

I'm realizing as I walk through this journey of parenting that there has to be a balance of allowing my kids to experience the natural consequences of their actions and modeling grace to them.

The truth is, we all make mistakes and there are times that the consequences of our own mistakes are too much for all of us.  But "God in his gracious kindness declares us not guilty.  He has done this through Christ Jesus, who has freed us by taking away our sins." (Romans 3:24 NLT)

I am reminded of one of my favorite old Rich Mullins songs.

If I stand let me stand on the promise that you will pull me through, and if  I can't let me fall on the grace that first brought me to you, and if I sing let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs  and if I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home.   ("If I Stand" by Rich Mullins)

Lets add to this and say, If we run let us run to the foot of the cross.  There is grace and there is mercy enough for all of our mistakes and all of our short comings.